There’s a bar in the city that I love to go to with my friends called U Bar. It used to be called Uncles, but they changed the name to make it sound more hip because Uncles sounds like a place old sugar daddies go to pick up skinny white Twinks and keep them laced in the illest until they hit 25 (old age).
I’ve spent thousands of dollars at U Bar in the past four years. My friends and I always have a good time when we get together and I can recall this one year during the holidays we had an impromptu drinking session which turned into one of the most fun and memorable nights of my life. We started out at U Bar then we ended up at some dudes’ families’ Christmas dinner (which tripped me the fuck out because I was already drunk when I got there). THEN, after sipping on Crown Royal and ginger ale with them I came back home and went to another bar with The Diva and got even more hammered.
And finally I ended up at home opening gifts with my parents. That next day I was super hungover but it was a great night had by all.
Merry Christmas EVERYONE!
I write all of this only to come back to the very first bar we were in, U Bar.
Formerly Uncles, mind you.
Well, there’s a certain older dude who I’m sure is somebody’s uncle that always comes in there dressed in women’s clothes.
And it’s soooo not anything near what you may be envisioning.
This dude looks like Popeye in drag.
Sometimes he’ll be wearing a short skirt, fishnets, heels and a bad wig. Other times he’ll come in wearing a long titty dress, fishnet stockings, heels and a bad wig. No matter what the ensemble, best believe bitch will have that bad wig on his head!
And that Christmas Eve was no different, but instead of grabbing something out of RuPaul’s closet of defective clothing, this dude came a’callin’ in a sultry holiday dress. I can’t remember if it was green or red, but I do know that it was festive than a mu’fucka! And though the wig was there it was perfectly accessorized underneath a Santa hat.
I was in shock, awe and pretty much drunk at that point. Mere seconds after I saw him I turned to my homie RayRay (not his real name but when he reads this he’ll know what I’m talking about) who immediately began to sing in a gruff accent
That was the funniest shit I had ever heard and to this day, years later, whenever we see this dude we all call him Santa Baby.
Even in the Summer Time when he’s rockin’ a short sun dress, fishnets, heels and a bad wig.
Happy Holidays everyone! It’s almost time for Christmas and I’m hoping that Santa Baby will be out soon to show us all how a true, OG Glamour Bitch does the damn thing during the holidays!