It has taken me years to admit this but I cannot stay in the closet any longer.
I love Rihanna.
Not because she’s a great singer. Not because she’s an international superstar. Not because she’s beautiful.
She’s a fuckin’ Rock Star!
And she’s doing it the right way…not the wrong way.
Is she the kind of role model I want my goddaughters and nieces looking up to? Fuck no!
Is she the kind of woman I’d want my godsons or nephew to bring home?
Eh, maybe for one night if they double strap, but put that bitch in a cab the next morning and never call her again because she’s too much drama.
However, I can’t front on the fact that I fuck with her as an Entertainer! Whenever I need to hear a song about fucking, or memory loss due to fucking, or searching internationally for a good fuck, or a song that mixes fucking with dessert and Tourette’s I immediately think of her. That’s all I really need Rihanna for, fast music with dirty lyrics that scream “We’re gonna get high, then we’re gonna fuck, then we’re gonna go party and fuck in the bathroom of the club”
Conversely, since I love her as an Entertainer, I can’t really trust her as an “artist”. When I think of artists I think of Miguel, Mary J., Prince, Maxwell, Erykah and many others. These are performers who can bring me to heights of dance and lows of contemplation through the execution of their craft. They’re professionals and damn good ones.
I don’t feel this way when Rihanna sings, or tries her best to sing. Much like when Keyshia Cole sings. I hear a voice, I see her straining and trying to do the Mariah hand when she sings live but it just doesn’t work for me. It’s the same with Rihanna. I know her Stans are just as bad as Beyonce’s (even though Beyonce’s Stan’s need clinical attention ASAP) and they think whenever Rihanna opens her mouth liquid gold takes the form of Jesus and takes away the sins of the world. But I’ve got to let you know that ain’t happening at all.
Like this song Stay she has. It’s OK. But traditionally whenever I get any inkling on one of her CD’s that she’s about to attempt singing I skip the track. Someone needs to tap Robyn on the shoulder and say ‘Look darling, you’re only good for drugs and fuck songs. Please stop.’
It would be well worth the money, but only after she’s done singing.