Please Raise Your Children.


Excuse me parents, but raising your children? Yeah, you’re doing it all wrong.

There’s an epidemic sweeping the nation called Bad Ass Kids and it’s becoming a staple in our world because we see it every day. Kids cursing on buses. Groups of boys starting fights. Girls dressed like harlots.

People, this has to stop. But I can’t stress enough how these kids really aren’t bad.

Their parents are bad. They think they’re doing an awesome job but they’re really not.

So they may be asking themselves, as they sit and sip beers with their fourteen year old son, “Am I a bad parent?”

Uh, YEAH ya are!

Here are a few tips for you moving forward.

1) You’re Not Your Kid’s Friend

This is a HUGE mistake, because kids will take advantage of you and run with the freedom of your friendship for miles and miles. True, you want your kids to like you. But you shouldn’t want them to think you’re cool because…and here’s the part you may not be ready to accept…..


You’re the parent. No kid thinks their parents are cool all the time, especially when you’re handing out discipline because that’s when you establish authority.

Here’s an example:

Janice’s daughter Jena wants to go to the Beyonce’ concert with her friends Christy and Linda. Janice has no idea who either of these girls are but once she heard the name BEYONCE’ she knew that this might get her some cool points with her overly dramatic and hormonal 16 year old daughter. But what Janice didn’t know is that Christy likes to hang out with drug dealers and smoke weed and Linda’s nickname is Turnpike because you gotta pay to get on and pay to get off.

Here’s how this scenario ends with a No (aka Real Mom):

Jena will hate Janice for about a week or two and then she’ll get over it once she hears about how a group of boys ran a train on both Christy and Linda in an Escalade outside club Onyx after the concert.

Here’s how the scenario ends with a Yes (aka Friend Mom):

Hey Gran’mom Janice! Your WIC’s been approved. Similac is on sale at CVS.

2) Stop Dating The Wrong Kind Of People

Yes, I know. That man is the fuck PHOINE! And he probably gives you the long stroke of life that makes all your inner quiverings burst like volcanoes. But please, don’t choose him over your kids. Because they will grow to hate him based in part on the affect he has on you. Especially if he’s abusive, verbally or physically. That kind of behavior can have a long lasting impact on your children if they see it on a daily basis. In the future they may refer to your example as what a healthy relationship should look like for them.

And fellas, this goes for you as well. Never, EVER date a woman who tries to come in between you and your kids. Especially if you have kids with both of them and the new woman is trying to make you choose. Be responsible enough to be there for all of your kids.

And to both mom and dad, stop bad mouthing the other parent to your kids. Your issues are your issues, not theirs. And it isn’t fair for your kids to have to listen to you talk bad about someone they have to call their parent for the rest of their life.

3) Please Save Bad Behavior For “You Time”

As I have stated before, parents are their kids first teachers. They’re watching you for the example of how they should conduct themselves. So when you’re at the store with your kids cursing cashiers out because they forgot to put your eggs in a plastic bagĀ  don’t you know your kids might look at you and think that’s an acceptable way of expressing anger? Or even better, when you laugh at your kids when they do grown up shit like curse, or twerk.

That shit’s not cool yo.

You wanna go out, get into bar fights and shouting matches with people on your own time, by all means, have at it. Lord knows when I was little my Pop was out getting turnt all night but I never saw it. He was still my dad and anything that interfered with that was an outside of the home issue.

4) It Still Takes A Village

Here’s some food for thought;

Kids are assholes.

They don’t mean to be, but they are. They’re moody little fuckers who will try your patience and take you to the brink of insanity.

And if they act that way with you, their parent, you can only imagine how your little angelic assholes act in public while doling out their brand of fuckery amongst the masses. And then, when someone comes to you to tell you about how bad your kid is YOU TAKE YOUR KID’S SIDE! Especially when you know your kid is a little asshole.

You know what, I get it. Love your kids. Be proud of your kids. But call them on their bullshit too. If someone is coming to inform you that your kid may be headed down a wrong path don’t offer to take the wheel and chauffeur them the rest of the way. Some people still believe that in order for our youth to be successful it takes more than just the parents to help them along the way.

Take this list for what it is; a mix of truth, comedy and a message. There’s never been a more distinct divide in the generations as there is now. But one thing that should never be forgotten is that our kids will always need us. They don’t come with instructions and most parents I know are just making it up as they go along. We’re not always right but we do at least try to provide them with the life lessons they need to become smart, productive citizens.

And Lord knows it’s not easy. But the alternative should never be an option.

Please raise your children. Don’t just look after them, or provide for them, or give them things to make them happy. Raise them. Give them a center. Give them peace. Give them love. But most importantly, give them a legacy that they can be proud of because it’s the example you gave them on how to be a better person.




  2 comments for “Please Raise Your Children.

  1. Ren
    July 14, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Great write with very valid points.

  2. Ovaltine Jenkins
    July 14, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    I JUST left the local library that had a group of middle school kids making entirely too much noise… I actually said something to them and they quieted down, so I guess they weren’t that bad. Kids do, in fact, act like kids.

    I do agree with you though. I’m not perfect, but there are some dreadful parents out there. Parents are a huge factor in their kids lives. I can’t believe what I see and hear out of some of these kids in public.

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