Empire Season 2 Episode 16: The Lyon Who Cried Wolf
Since I’ve been so disappointed in Empire for the past few weeks last night I said ‘Fuck it. I’m going out tonight. I’ll watch that shit tomorrow.’
Of course, the first time I do that the show is actually good.
Last night’s episode was a whole bunch of Whoah!
Here’s last week’s review for More Than Kin.
Lots to cover so let’s get into it
Jamal And D
With the ASA’s right around the corner Cookie has decided that the Lyon’s need to become even more relevant than they are by singing a song together during the awards ceremony. However in order to do this they must get the approval from ASA musical director D Major (Tobias Truvillion), who is a huge fan of Jamal’s work.
A little later, we find out that Jamal’s work isn’t the only thing D Major is a fan of.
After the two of them encounter a few creative differences in the studio D Major sends everyone away, locks the studio door and gives Mally some major D! Mally, who’s now ready to love again after seeing Michael last week, discovers that D Major is down, but not out. At first this displeases Mally because he’s all about walking in his truth and representing the rainbow flag everywhere he goes! (Except when he’s gettin’ pussy. Hey Skye Summers!)
But later he realizes the error of his ways because D Major is phoine! And although D doesn’t disclose his sexuality to everyone he and Jamal decide to continue seeing each other.
Aunt Viv Needs a Check
YES! Cookie’s sisters have returned to breathe life back into this show and it was well worth the wait! Candice (Vivica A. Fox) has returned to New York with a message for their sister Carol (Tasha Smith)
“Bitch come get ya’ kids!”
Carol, who’s still recovering from her vacation to Crack Town after their cousin was murdered in prison, says she needs more time to get herself together. But none of this soothes Candice’s rage. Later Carol relays to Candice her reasons for neglecting her kids and running back into the arms of crack for comfort; she’s been haunted by the murders she and Lucious were involved with while Cookie was locked up, and now she’s ready to tell Cookie everything.
THE FUCK?? Carol the Crackhead was a Killah? That’s bad enough, but unbeknownst to the two of them an old friend of theirs from Philly Tariq (Morocco Omari) overhears their conversation. After Candice leaves he approaches Carol and the two of them catch up. She asks him ‘Are you still a cop?’
He says ‘Nah, I quit the force a long time ago’
Seconds later we see why he quit….he’s an FBI agent.
I’m saving the best parts for last, starting with this one.
Finding a way to turn her own tragedy into a blessing for somebody else Rhonda has decided to donate all of her baby items to Anika, who’s finally beginning to show. As the gifts continue piling up one of them, a baby mat, almost falls on top of Rhonda. Sensing danger, Keem’s homegirl Chicken (AzMarie) violently pushes Rhonda out of the way because, you know, the baby mat falling on her would have obviously crushed her to death. However, Chicken’s abusive shove triggered a memory for Rhonda. And she finally realizes that she didn’t fall. She was pushed. Anika, who is in complete shock with this new information, consoles her as best she can. Later, as the two of them are hanging out at Anika’s, Rhonda notices something funny. She notices Anika’s red bottom flats and is reminded of seeing somebody walking out of her house after she was pushed down the stairs….wearing red bottom flats!
Does that mean Anika did it???? (sarcasm)
The Lyin’ Dynasty
Let’s just cut straight to the point.
Dre’ brought Gran’Mom Mary (the legendary Leslie Uggams) to Leviticus during Keem, Mally and Lucious’ rehearsal for the ASA’s and all hell broke loose. Lucious was scared shitless, and everyone else fell into their roles.
Keem- Why you ain’t tell us?
Mally- You’re a bad father!
Cookie- Who this old bitch?
Lucious, now shook like he’s never been the entire series, sits and drinks as he’s reminded of his lies coming back to bite him in the ass. His mother never killed herself. True, she did try to drown him but when she attempted suicide she was unsuccessful because there were no bullets in the gun.
Therefore, ‘Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom’ is about 75% true. Lucious needs to ensure that his secret about Mary never gets out so he commands Thirsty to cart her ass back to the looney bin immediately, but not before Andre’ stops him. Mary says she wants to go home with “Dwight”, and he obliges. They share a few tepid, tender moments where she plays the piano and refers to him as Dwight, and he constantly has to remind her ‘My name is Lucious’. In other words “Don’t be bringin’ that Dwight shit up in here old lady!”
Later, Lucious and his sons perform the song they’ve prepared for the ASA’s for D Major at Leviticus and for the first time in a while I actually enjoyed the song. It takes all of their issues and troubles and set it to a beautiful tune inspired by a song Lucious and Mary used to sing together.
D Major approves.
And this is where the episode should have ended because what happened next was creepy and disturbing.
At 3 in the morning Mary wakes Lucious up and brings him into the kitchen, where she has baked several cakes. She orders him to sit down and eat. She berates him and damn near holds him at knifepoint as she relays her hatred for him. She follows those motherly words up by blaming him for all of the evil that she’s ever encountered in her life. Finally, she apologizes….to herself for being too weak to kill him when she had the chance.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Dwight Walker is as fucked up as he is. He get it from his Momma.
– BECKY!!! Becky Becky Becky! She made me laugh out loud. She put Porsha in her place. SHE TWERKED! Miss Becky gave me all the life my hungover ass needed this morning and I can honestly say I love her. Anyone who has a problem with Becky needs to go somewhere and die because she’s the shit!
And her outfits have gotten so much better.
– Cookie was serving up rich black lady opulence all evening…except when she looked like the drag version of Cher and Pocahontas’ daughter.
– Thirsty took Discount Whitley (Annie Ilonzeh) on a ride through the ‘hood and then dropped her ass off underneath a bridge. Moments later she was collected by hooded goons.
She’s dead now. She probably should have just partaken in the Legendary Lyon Dick and kept her mouth shut about Mary’s whereabouts. Ah well, #byebitch
– The “D” in D Major stands for Derek…but in my mind it stands for DAYUM!
– Tiana and Hakeem are gonna fuck again. I can smell it. But at least Laura’s fur will keep her warm on those cold nights. Clearly, when Tiana sang ‘There Ain’t No Competition’ she wasn’t kidding.