Empire Re-Cap: A Rose By Any Other Name

Empire Season 2 Episode 12: A Rose By Any Other Name

 

Oh, SO MUCH happened last night. Empire is the crazy train and we’re all hostages. If you need to catch up read last week’s re-cap Death Will Have His Day.

Keem & Cookie Stir the Plot!

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During a press conference, where Keem looks like a baby in a high top chair at Thanksgiving, he informs a room full of reporters about his family’s new positions under his reign as CEO of Empire Records. Then, during the question and answer period, he’s asked why he didn’t mention Lucious and Keem throws a huge, shady palm tree at the reporter by replying ‘Who’s Lucious?’

Keem is outta pocket for his comment.

But even more so for introducing the new Empire logo with his face replacing Lucious’.

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None of this impresses the Cookie Monster.

“Boyyyy…(I love it when she says that) Get yo’ shit together and get rid of that cougar bitch!”

Keem thinks about it for a few seconds, but instead invites Laura to his office for a quick smooch before said cougar bitch Camilla (Naomi Campbell) arrives. Camilla reminds Hakeem that Laura’s gotta go. Keem, who could care less because he’s fucking both of them anyway, kinda listens.

Meanwhile, Tiana (who is in no way the store brand version of Rihanna, by any means at all) rehearses for her upcoming tour.

And then finds out it’s been cancelled. However, Cookie devises a plan to have Tiana and Laura’s group Mirage a Trois (or as I like to call them ‘Check Please?’) tour together. Cookie relays the idea to Cougar’Milla, because she now owns Empire along with her wife Les’Villain (Marisa Tomei). Although she and Cookie hate each other Cougar’Milla accepts the offer.

When Cookie goes back to Keem and Laura to inform them about her plan Laura’s bags are half way packed and her bus ticket has been purchased (because, you know, Check Please?) but Keem begins with his theatrics again stating that he doesn’t want her to go.

Once again, Cookie has to step in.

“BOYYYYY” she says. “Get. Rid. Of. That. COUGAR. BITCH!”

This time, he listens.

Keem calls Cougar’Milla over for a big slice of the Legendary Lyon Dick. Once the deed is done, Cougar’Milla relays her disdain for her sickly wife Les’Villain and her hope that she’ll be dead soon so that the two of them can be together.

It’s all so rotten. But what makes it worse is that Keem recorded the whole thing.

He truly is his father’s son.

Dre’s Highs and Lows

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After the miscarriage Rhonda is ready to go back to work, but CrazySexyCool Dre’s behavior is causing her some concerns. First and foremost his outbursts take us all back to last season when he was nuttier than squirrel shit, but everyone knows it has to do with the stress of losing the baby. Dre’ seeks solace and comfort from his creepy pastor, who suggests counseling for the both of them. When Rhonda arrives, Dre’ ambushes her with questions of her infidelity. Shocked, Rhonda almost had to remind herself she wasn’t black when she looked like she was about to say ‘Nigga please!’

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Everyone knows that Dre’ needs to up his meds, but the creepy pastor has informed Dre’ that he doesn’t need meds. He only needs Jesus.

No pastor, Jesus wants Dre’ to take his meds. You’re blocking the blessing with your creepy ass. Where’s Jennifer Hudson when you need her?

By the end of the episode, Dre’ has a mini breakdown in Keem’s office. Surrounded by his family, they all rush to the studio and cheer Dre’ up with a very beautiful, very sad song.

Everyone cries. Dre’ also cries but it’s a touching moment reminding us once again that the Lyon’s always have each other’s backs…..

But not Lucious. Or, as he was called before he became famous…..

 

Demonic Dwight Walker

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Where to begin. Lucious was such an asshole last night.

He started off strong, being questioned by the same reporter who asked Keem the question about Lucious at the press conference. Once she got a little too invasive with her questioning he screamed at her ‘I’m from South Philly bitch!!!’ as he had her Whitley Gilbert looking ass escorted out of the building.

Moments later Jamal is bullied by a gay flash mob who throw rainbow colored flip flops in the air, judging him for fucking Skye Summers (Alicia Keys). Mally knows that the powerful Jamieson Hinthrop (William Fichtner) put the flash mob together because he’s consistently stated his disappointment in Mally claiming to be one thing but doing the complete opposite. Mally reminds him that it’s none of his fuckin’ business, and that’s when Jamieson informs Mally that Lucious was the one who told him about Skye.

Now aware of how Jamieson found out, Mally then breaks down the tension and situation between Lucious and himself, especially with the upcoming ASA awards.

Pissed, Mally writes a song and airs Lucious all the way out, alluding to the fact that Lucious Lyon is a fraud who doesn’t even use his real name.

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 9.09.42 AMThe internet went NUTS! But Lucious kept his cool, inviting Discount Whitley back for an exclusive story of how Dwight Walker became Lucious Lyon.

Oh, and side bar, Lucious is gonna fuck Discount Whitley because it’s Empire and Lucious fucks everyone.

By the end of the episode Cookie informs Lucious that their plan to ruin Cougar’Milla and Les’Villain worked! Hakeem sent a copy of their sex tape to Les’Villain’s hotel room in New York and she cut her ties with Empire Records entirely.

However, that wasn’t enough for Lucious. He wanted to see the looks on their faces so he went to Les’Villain’s hotel room, stumbling upon Cougar’Milla, who has slipped something into Les’Villain’s drink which leaves her dead in the bathtub!

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“Hakeem will NEVER forgive you for what you did Lucious!” Cougar’Milla says, thinking that he was the one who sent Les’Villain the footage of their fuck fest.

When Lucious reveals that it was Hakeem who sent the video to Les’Villain Cougar’Milla is now remorseful.

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“Oh my God…what have I done!” She asks.

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“Kill yourself bitch” Lucious answers.

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Unlike Keem, she listens the first time.

 

Highlights

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–  Becky came through serving “Day Late and a Dollar Short Mary J. Blige on St. Patrick’s Day” realness and it was all the way lit! Glad they’re finally spending some of that Cookie money on her wardrobe.

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–  Trai Byers is a fantastic actor. I’ve heard rumors about him wanting to leave the show. I hope he can stick it out for another season but if he can’t I wish him nothing but the best.

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–  I’ma miss Slay’omi. I was hoping her character would stick around a little longer but she is after all Naomi Campbell. She’s got phones to throw and people to piss off. RIP Cougar’Milla!

Until next week.

 

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