As I get closer to my 40th birthday I have been locked in an ongoing battle with myself to live a healthier lifestyle. It remains the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but I know I’m moving in the right direction because recently I quit smoking.
I know that last sentence might conjure up questionable imagery like a bar fight or an arrest but it truly wasn’t anything that glamorous.
I woke up with a swollen uvula, and before that day I didn’t even know what a uvula was.
I believe that trip to the ER was very necessary because without it I don’t know if I ever would have stopped. It’s been a month and a half since I quit smoking and I thought that I would feel a lot better with cleaner lungs and the ability to go up and down stairs without feeling like I’m giving death a piggyback ride.
Alas that hasn’t been the case. Because I began eating everything I could get my hands on as a replacement for the smoking.
I didn’t realize how bad it was until one morning, as I tried on shirt after shirt to begin my day, nothing fit.
After the fourth shirt I said to myself “Why the fuck are all my clothes shrinking?”
The eleven pounds I’ve packed on since I stopped smoking? That’s not fine.
I gave up one addiction for another one that’s just as bad.
And although I didn’t regret my decision at first I kinda wish I was still smoking because at least I’d be able to fit into my damn clothes.
I know the idea is to live a healthier lifestyle, which means absolutely no smoking AND making better food choices.
But the transition isn’t easy, especially when mentally my defaults on Friday and Saturday nights are pizza and booze.
Case in point; I ate an entire pizza on Friday and it was sooooo fucking good.
However, when I weighed myself on Sunday morning to finally acknowledge my eleven new best friends, I almost broke down with shame in the shower.
Then I said to myself ‘Well, you did eat an entire pizza on Friday so…’
Bad habits can’t be broken with other bad habits. Because that’s too easy.
You have to mentally prepare yourself for its absence and try not to pick up another bad habit.
And that’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
The reason I’m sharing this is not to alert you that in the next couple of months I’ll be posting gym selfies, progress pics and everything else that people do when they begin their transformation process.
I’m writing this to hold myself accountable for what needs to be done next.
Bad habits die hard. Old habits are damn near indestructible. But anything is possible if you work towards it and acknowledge when you slip up.
Because we’re all human.
The triumph comes from how many times you pick yourself up and try again.