I’m a little under the weather financially. But then again, so are most of the people I know.
None of us are rich. We all have responsibilities we need to tend to and the luxury of doing what we want to do sometimes takes a backseat to what we have to do.
I know of this pinch all too well.
One thing I love to do is buy clothes. Mainly shirts. I have a closet and drawers filled with a lot of shirts and I’m never satisfied because I always want more.
Recently I haven’t been able to increase my inventory for the summer because buying shirts isn’t a necessity. HOWEVER, you know how it is when you go through a long stretch of paying bills and taking care of home that somewhere in your brain on Pay Day you become defiant.
You say to yourself ‘ Fuck this shit. I’ma buy something for me today!’
And you know what? I said that shit on Friday. I decided that I was going to buy myself a few shirts.
But to keep it within my allotted budget I chose to go to a store that’s renowned for it’s inexpensive clothing options. I used to shop there all the time until I discovered the magic of Macy’s, Kohl’s endless racks and other real stores. But during this current financial drought I knew I couldn’t afford to shop at either one of those stores so instead I stretched my bills at the other one.
I went in, copped four XXL shirts for 20 dollars and walked out of the store feeling victorious like I had finally beaten the system.
Last night I tried the shirts on and none of them fit.
None. Of. Them.
And these were all XXL. So one of them should have fit.
To bring the disappointment home just a little more the shit felt all cheap on my body. It just didn’t feel right. Honestly, when I was in the store shopping it didn’t feel right as I looked around at a sea of garments that did nothing to incite happiness as it normally does whenever I buy clothes at the other aforementioned stores.
As I tried on and removed each shirt I wasn’t even disgusted by the fact that they didn’t fit. I was actually relieved. Because even when I was buying them I didn’t really want them.
Why did I go to a place I had long stopped going to just so I could save a few bucks? If I would have gone to a different store, one I knew would provide me with quality over quantity, I could have at least bought one really nice shirt. Now I have to take those “shirts” (I’m using this term loosely since I am 100% convinced that these “shirts” started out life as dollar store dish rags) back to that store. And I had no intention on going back for any reason after last Friday.
However, the lesson here is that Life is a forward progression. Once some thing, some place or some one’s existence in your life has come to a close you have to move forward without them. It’s just like when you date someone and it doesn’t work out. You shouldn’t go running back to them. It’s nice to think of all the good times but we all have to live with the memories and not live in the memories.
When I return those shirts this week I will take one last look at the store and make a mental note of everything I see in there. And as I wipe away my final tears, and blow a kiss to the jaded cashier with a thousand tattoos on her face and arms, I will remember that our time together has come to an end. And when I leave through those doors to talk towards my future I will not look back. Because I know that something better is just around the corner.
It’s called Old Navy.