Prince Is A Pimp

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Prince is the man. His music is timeless. His influence is legendary. His movies suck, but who cares!

Prince is the mutha fuckin’ MAN!

Last Saturday a few friends and I gathered around for a birthday celebration and the theme of the evening, since it was the day after Halloween, was Prince.  That night we watched, not only the 1984 classic Purple Rain, but also Prince’s performance on last week’s episode of Saturday Night Live.

As the night progressed we split into two different factions at the party; those who were pro-Apollonia and those that were pro-Vanity.

Background

Unknown-1The story goes that when Prince first met Denise Matthews at the American Music Awards in 1980 he took one look at her and renamed her “Vanity” because he saw the female reflection of himself in her.

First of all, the only instance I know of when someone renames another adult is slavery. But in Prince’s case…PIMP SHIT!

With a new stage name and romance with Prince Vanity became a walking wet dream as the leader of sexy girl group Vanity 6 (the six was a reference to the six breasts of the three women in the group. PIMP SHIT!)

Eventually Vanity and Prince’s relationship took a turn for the worse so Vanity left the group to embark on a solo career. Unfortunately for Prince this all went down right before the release of Purple Rain.images

With no time to spare Prince held auditions and eventually cast actress Patricia Kotero to replace Vanity. But Prince had no time to cast some unknown broad named Patricia. So he chose her middle name, Apollonia, as her new name.

Prince renamed another bitch. PIMP SHIT!

As you know Purple Rain became a hit and skyrocketed Prince’s star light years past both Vanity and Apollonia’s careers. And in the wake of their ashes he went on to sprinkle his purple rain on more beautiful women like Sheila E, Carmen Electra (who he also renamed) and Kim Basinger.

Hell, he even got his hands on Sheena Easton and took her from this to this.

PIMP SHIT!!!

Apollonia vs. Vanity

Looks:

apollonia            vanity

Of the two of them, Vanity is prettier. Apollonia is also a very beautiful woman, however Vanity was pretty in the ‘I’m going to fuck everyone’ kind of way. And if you’re going to be associated with an artist like Prince you need to have the kind of look like that screams ‘I’m ready for an orgy right – the fuck- NOW!’

Winner: VANITY

Marketability:

Vanity-Wild-Animal-426580Apollonia-Apollonia-188150

Vanity released two solo albums Wild Animal and Skin on Skin, which I’m just too sure shouldn’t have been listened to by children. Apollonia, stepping in to replace Vanity for Purple Rain, released Apollonia 6 and also another album titled, simply, Apollonia.

Although her lack of creativity in naming her own albums sucked as much as her singing, Apollonia’s music didn’t revolve around getting fucked. Plus she sang the original version of “Manic Monday” which went on to become a huge hit for 80’s girl group The Bangles.

Did I mention that Prince used to fuck Susanna Hoffs from The Bangles too?

He was giving out dick and music hits. PIMP SHIT!!

Winner: APOLLONIA

Talent:

This one is easy. Neither one of them could sing or act for shit. However, according to IMDB they both are almost matched equally with their acting credits.

But who is the lesser of two evils?


Winner: Neither one of them. Their looks kept them afloat in the 80’s because talent was not their forte’.

So overall, in the battle of Apollonia vs. Vanity the winner is….

 

 

 

PRZ-001563 PRINCE!!!!

 

Because he completely turned Vanity out and led her into a life of drugs and despair until ultimately she found Jesus and doesn’t even want to be reminded of those days anymore. And conversely you have Apollonia, who Prince never had a romantic relationship with but he still had mind control over her.

Even to this day!

You know what I call that????

 

 

 

 

 

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