I love Reality TV because it’s horrible. One day I said to myself ‘I need to write a bunch of housewives’
And here they are.
This will be my third published book. Check out the first couple of pages.
Thanks for your support always.
The Secrets of Scarlet Ridge
Barbara looked across the dining hall watching MJ walk into the room wearing a red and white Fila tracksuit, black and red dyed asymmetrical haircut and blue Jimmy Choo ‘Fuck Me’ pumps.
It all screamed ‘90’s video hoe’ glamour.
Barbara was perplexed. “What the hell is she-“
“Girl…” Marissa stated with a long pause following. “She looks like she just stomped into the 90’s.”
“When is someone gonna tell her that it’s the 21st century?”
“In the 22nd century honey. She’ll never get with the times.” Marissa scoffed right before waving MJ over. “Hey girl!”
“Hey y’all.” MJ greeted them both with phony cheek kisses. “Is this depressing or what?”
“MJ!” Barbara said, trying not to be too loud.
“Well it is. All these poor mutha fuckas beggin’ for handouts.”
“MJ it’s Thanksgiving at a homeless shelter.” Marissa reminded her. “You know it’s always good to give back.”
“Whatever. I’m just here to save my marriage.”
Both Barbara and Marissa sighed in disapproval.
“Look, I’m just being honest. Javi told me yesterday that I spend too much money and I’m always actin’ ungrateful.”
“Because you are ungrateful and you do spend too much money.” Marissa agreed. “See, that’s why you need to leave his ass. You don’t need him-“
“The hell I don’t. Me and Javi been together since high school. What I look like throwin’ away a ten year relationship?”
Both women looked at MJ and laughed uncontrollably.
“Ming Juana stop it.” Barbara said.
“Yeah, your daughter was in high school ten years ago. I don’t know why you just can’t act your age. You’re for-“
“-FORRR….getting the gravy for these runny ass mashed potatoes.” MJ stated before walking to the back of the hall to get gravy for the mashed potatoes.
Marissa and Barbara continued to serve the long line of individuals at the Blackson Center, named after one of Scarlet Ridge’s most prominent ex-residents Senator Marvin Blackson.
They were very polite while serving, both taking the time to make eye contact and speak with each person they served.
MJ, on the other hand, kept her eyes down and plopped the food on their plates with a slight head tilt to make them move quicker.
“MJ stop…” Barbara said.
“I’m ready to go.” She replied.
“It’s only been an hour.”
“That’s already fifty-five minutes too long for me.” MJ stated, then dropped her spoon inside of the mashed potatoes she was serving and removed her apron. “I’m done. I need to go home and begin dinner.”
“It only takes five minutes to call Domino’s.” Barbara stated.
“Tell it to my maid. I don’t do that shit.” MJ said before grabbing her Marc Jacobs bag and sashaying out of the center. As she was walking out Catherine was walking in.
“Aw shit.” Marissa quipped. “Should we go out there-“
“Nah, this oughtta be fun.” Barbara answered with a huge smile.
“Ming Juana, I didn’t know you’d be here today.” Catherine stated, cheer evident on her face and in her voice.
“I’m leaving Catherine. Please don’t start with your shit-“
“Shit?” Catherine asked, smile still fixed in place. “Why would I want to start any shit with you? It’s Thanksgiving.” She then paused. “Wait, do you celebrate Thanksgiving?”
MJ cocked her head to the side. “Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?”
“Aren’t you, like, Indian and Cambodian?”
MJ sighed heavily. “Puerto Rican and Chinese-“
“That’s what I said.” Catherine shrugged. “Same difference.”
“You know what Catherine….not today.” MJ put her shades on and began making her way to her car.
“But Ming Juana, you’re gonna lose your place in line.”
“God I hate her.” Marissa said under her breath, and then perked up as Catherine walked towards the two of them. “CATHY! Hey girrrrl!”
“Happy Thanksgiving Marissa!” She greeted her with a warm hug. She then glanced over at Barbara. “Barb”
“…catherine….” Barbara said, never making eye contact.
“So, where do you guys want me?”
“The other side of the door.” Barbara quipped, this time looking directly at her.
Catherine laughed. “Barb you’re so funny. Did the poverty you experienced growing up in New Yawk teach you how to smile through the bad times?”
“It taught me how to hide bodies too bitch.”
“Whoah!” Marissa stepped in between the two of them. “Let’s not do this here.”
“You’re right. Today is all about the unwashed masses of Scarlet Ridge.” Catherine stated as she looked out at the crowd in front of her, who clearly heard her and were not impressed with her choice of words. “Imagine….this many poor people in a state as large as California.”
“Poverty is huge in AMERICA Catherine. Not just here.” Barbara stated.
“Excuse me.” A woman in line spoke up, addressing Catherine. “You really shouldn’t speak about us like that.”
Catherine was confused. She turned to Marissa and asked in a low voice. “Can they speak to us?”
The woman continued. “I’m here because this year has been really rough. I just want my kids to have a nice meal on Thanksgiving.”
Catherine looked at her for a second before replying. “Oh, well don’t you have a stove to cook for them at home?”
“We lost our house last month.” She continued, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “Right now I’m living in my car with my two sons.”
“That sounds so exciting! Living on the open road.” Catherine squealed. “Every day is a new adventure isn’t it?”
The woman looked at her in scorn as Catherine threw a small scoop of macaroni and cheese on her plate. Before she moved Catherine put another slightly larger scoop on top of the smaller one.
“For the kids…” She whispered before putting her finger up to her lips as if it would be their little secret.
“You do realize this food is free right?” Marissa asked.
“I know, but don’t we get to keep the leftovers?” Catherine replied.
“Leftovers?” Barbara spoke. “Catherine, your husband is the CEO of a fortune 500 company. Why do you need leftovers?”
Catherine smirked. “We need to save wherever we can before we end up like Hot Wheels and her kids over there.”
Marissa chuckled and Barbara shot her a disapproving look.
“What? It was funny.” Marissa stated.
“You know, Catherine, any one of us can end up like Hot Wh- I mean her. Wealth isn’t a guarantee-“
“Spoken like a true former poor person.” Catherine interrupted. “Phil and I have invested our money wisely, sent our girls to the finest universities and set up trusts for each other in the event that one of us should die before the other-“
“Can you speed that process up please?” Barbara said, and Marissa chuckled again.
“Y’all are too much. This is exactly why I went into business for myself. I make the rules, I set the terms and my kids’ kids will reap the benefits of my success for years to come.”
“Marissa where are your kids?” Barbara asked.
“Lord.” She sighed then yelled. “JEREMIAH! JASMINE!!!”
Within moments two cute brown skinned twins ran over to Marissa. She let out a sigh of relief.
“Go…play somewhere. Mommy’s busy.” She instructed, and they both ran off to play with a few of the kids in the shelter.
“I tell you, motherhood is tough.” Marissa joked, and Barbara gave an unflinching look.
“You’re a terrible mother.” Barbara stated.
Marissa sighed. “Yeah, well I’m a terrible mother with three cars and a seven bedroom mansion. They’ll live.”
The three women continued serving for a few more hours before it was time to close the shelter to gather their belongings and tend to their own Thanksgiving dinners. As Barbara left she spotted the woman from earlier walking with her children towards an old Jeep with a few plates wrapped in aluminum foil.
“Excuse me…” Barbara called out to her. As she got closer she continued speaking with a slight smile. “I didn’t catch your name back there.”
“I didn’t throw it.” She sassed. “Anne.”
Barbara hesitated before continuing. “I just wanted to apologize for my friend’s rudeness earlier. She doesn’t know what it’s like to go through anything trying.”
“And you do?” Anne asked. “You’re only here to do a little community service to make yourself feel better right?”
“Wrong.” Barbara answered. “I haven’t always lived in Scarlet Ridge.”
“Well, you do now. I’m sure you’ve got a big home, great friends and tons of money to do whatever the hell you want with. While my children and I sleep in this!”
“Nice meeting you!” Catherine yelled out waving at them and holding a huge cardboard box filled with side dishes and a few turkeys, with two apple pies resting on top. “Love the car!”
Marissa followed behind her, giggling and looking into her phone.
“Don’t forget the twins Marissa!” Barbara yelled at her. Without looking up Marissa turned around to go back inside to get her children.
“Excuse me Miss Del Colombo, but I need to be going-“
“Wait a minute…” Barbara stopped her. “How do you know who I am?”
Anne scoffed. “Doesn’t everyone?”
Without another word Anne got into her car and drove off.
“Happy Thanksgiving!” Catherine yelled, waving as Anne sped by.
Barbara watched Anne drive away in confusion, asking herself Who was that?