Trump’s First Week In Office

It has been a busy first week for Donald Trump (aka Don Cheeto  – which is what he shall be referred to always, and never as the P word). He spent this week making good on many of his campaign trail promises. But of course, that wasn’t his first order of business. Although on Monday he did sign an executive order against the Affordable Care Act which will ultimately lead to the dismantling of Obamacare, he also sent his press secretary Sean Spicer out to address the controversy surrounding his inaugural viewership. He claims that the numbers were higher than being reported, but I wouldn’t know because in the words of my mother ‘I ain’t watch that shit!’

Something else Cheeto addressed this week was the rampant violence taking place in Chicago, threatening to send the feds in to help curb the situation if mayor Rahm Emanuel can’t fix it himself . His proclamation leaves echoes of the words Martial Law resounding in the ears of many, but lemme sip my tea while you marinate on that.  He also signed another executive order to reinstate the Mexico City Policy (one of President Reagan’s gems from the 80’s) which will place huge regulations on abortion, women’s health issues and medical research. The Mexico City Policy, also known as the ‘global gag rule’, is not a new policy. It’s been reinstated and reversed four times since 1984, although Trump’s version is dirtier. Oh, and Cheeto signed the order in front of some other conservative white men because they know what’s best for women since they’re a bunch of pussies. But even with all of this new business to attend to he still found time to whip his phone out and Tweet, mainly because he’s twelve. He tweeted that he’d be selecting his Supreme Court Justice pick next Thursday.

He ALSO wanted to remind us once again that he lost the popular vote due to the illegal votes of up to five MILLION people and he plans on doing something about it (because, once again, he’s twelve).

And of course, he brought up that damn wall again. Because, like Beyonce’ singing ‘Irreplaceable’ during one of her concerts, promising to build the wall was one of his biggest numbers while he was on tour.  And who can forget how adamant Cheeto remained in his resolve to put the wall up and make Mexico pay for it, to which Mexico has officially replied with the ultimate #ByeBitch because they ain’t payin’ for shit.

Oh Don Cheeto. Every day when I wake up and see your brittle hair and saggy face it makes me cringe. Then once you let out that litigious, booming growl of a voice I turn my television off. Not because I don’t want to be informed. But mainly because I still can’t believe that you’ve been elected to office. But I’m paying attention and more than anticipating consistent fuckery in the days to come because I know this is only the beginning.

But what I believe is most important for all of us is to continue rejecting the Cheeto. Republicans will have you believe that this is the same way they felt when Obama took office, but miss me with that bullshit. Because the damage the Trump administration will inflict on the American people will be legendary. And it will be historic. And it’s during our time now so I hope and pray we all survive it so we can reassess and make sure that this never happens again. If we want the change then we must be the change.

Now granted..this is a very short list of Cheeto’s “accomplishments”. If you want to see more NBC has compiled a detailed list here.

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